Seeking Success

So, you’ve done your research. You know the rules, you understand the acronyms, you’ve made drop dead gorgeous content, and found the perfect name. But now you’re faced with reality that there are a thousand other dominant individuals that have done the exact same thing, and in the sea of social media you need to figure out how to set yourself apart, but all of the “How Tos” only say the same thing: be yourself… which cool, but that doesn’t exactly clear things up, does it? So, let’s talk about building a brand and establishing an identity that makes you stand out among the masses.

The concept of being yourself on social media can be much more challenging when you’re using a persona, but in this context, it simply means your posts should be a reflection of your intentions as a Domme. It’s your voice, so it shouldn’t feel forced or unnatural for you; it’s just a refined portion of your personality, who you are, and the experience you’re offering. When a sub sees your profile, they should be able to determine your expectations of those serving you, like peeking into a window of your dynamics. Who you are on the timeline should reflect who you are in private messages and who you are in sessions. That being said, trust me when I say that your style will appeal to someone, but it won’t appeal to everyone, and you need to be okay with that. It’s really tempting to try to appeal to all subs, because a lot of new Dommes are mostly concerned with making money and validating their place in the community via engagement and followers. This means their profiles are often scattered with a variety of styles, because they’re testing to see what gets them the most attention, and the most money. I see how this might seem like the best strategy, and it may pay out in one off moments, but it’s unlikely to work in terms of longevity, and if you’re still reading this then I would like to think you’re someone here for the long hall and not looking to make a quick buck.

So, focus on yourself and your style. Start with determining your own areas of interest and hard limits and post with those in mind. Post with intention, as if you’re speaking directly to that ideal sub. Vague posts that just seem a carbon copy of what everyone is saying doesn’t tell anyone the story of who you are. Subs are submissive, not stupid. Any of them worth their weight will browse your page to get a feel for you and your style before they ever consider sending you a message or anything else. Don’t rely on your photos, as beautiful as they may be, to tell your audience who you are. Yes, a picture is worth a thousand words, but a horny sub will create their ideal identity for you and that’s not your story. Be creative in your captions, create a consistent narrative that gives them a taste of the Domme you are, whoever that may be. You don’t have to fit a mold and present yourself the way anyone else does, because you’re not anyone else, you’re you. So if you want to be the funny casual Domme, do that. Be soft and sweet; harsh and cruel; quirky and nerdy… be whoever you are but be consistent and I promise if you’re true to yourself, you will find the subs that respond to you. Sometimes it just takes patience.

It’s also important to keep in mind that not everyone is going to find their stride on the same platform or in the same way. I personally have found the most success on Twitter. It suits my personality, style, and flair for creative writing and witty captions, but I haven’t had much success on other platforms. Other Dommes I’m friends with have had the opposite experiences and prefer different social media sites. There are so many options, so don’t be afraid to try them, just because they don’t work for someone else does not mean they won’t work for you. Just be mindful of ToS guidelines and be sure you’re being safe and you’re providing a safe space.

Finally, for what it’s worth, I think one of the biggest mistakes a Domme can make on social media is posting with other Dommes in mind. No, I am not referring to Domme-wrecking, but far too often I feel Dommes hold back on being themselves or posting about their experiences or what they want out of a dynamic because they’re too concerned about being judged by their peers. There is this constant toxicity of pitting Dommes against Dommes that often bubbles to the surface of social media. There are endless ongoing, uphill battles of Dommes trying to label what makes a Domme and what doesn’t. Nude vs. nonnude content, soft vs harsh styles, whether or not a Domme should DM first… the list is never ending. At the end of the day, those conversations will get you nowhere and they do not matter. The reality is, while there are principles and guidelines of BDSM as a practice and you should know those, there is not a one size fits all style to domination. And, remember - other Dommes aren’t why you’re here, they’re not paying your bills, and they’re not sending or serving. They may see your posts or style and feel it’s not what their idea of domination is, but you’re posting for yourself and the subs that want your style. Focus on you, and as my subs say: the rest is just noise.