Predatory Subs

There are common themes in this community, and common disagreements, but one thing I would hope we all agree on is that predatory subs do not have a place in this community. Unfortunately, far too often they are given a voice and support because they appeal to our egos as Dommes. These subs present themselves as if they are a prize to be won, a conquest, someone of which that only the most worthy of Dommes can earn submission. They make themselves out to be a “challenge” and the language they use, the way they speak, and the money they wave like a trophy beckons many of us. Don’t feel bad if you’ve fallen for them. Most of us do at least once, but if you know what to look for you can avoid them and not give them the attention they seek.

The terrible way these subs work is truly impressive, like an illusionist. Their account is their stage and the community is their audience. At first, you’re going to be lured in by their posts. They’ll have this confidence to them that makes them seem different from the time wasters in your DMs. They’re not on the timeline begging for attention like the others, no they don’t want a session or a Domme. Instead, they’re posting about how they know they’re an addict, but they don’t want to be here anymore. They subtly mention the money they have, and the way they’re glad no Domme has caught their interest. And that’s the hook. They design their accounts to appeal to Dommes seeking to prove themselves; Dommes with less experience, with insecurities, with low self-esteem, or poor mental health. And they get you by telling you the opposite. They’ll tell you they don’t find Dommes here interesting or captivating anymore, because all of the real Dommes are gone. They’re reminisce about how years ago they would give thousands and thousands of dollars, but they’re so glad the community is dead now because they can save all of their money. And now they have your interest. Because if they send to you then you’ve bested them, right? You see this sub as a challenge and no other Domme has been able to earn his submission, but you will because you’re different and you’re going to show him. So you’ll tease him, flirt with him on the timeline a little and then make your way into his DMs one way or another. And that’s when things change.

You’re determined. You’re going to be the Domme that’s going to prove yourself to him. You’re going to go in hot and heavy, feigning confidence. You want to give him a taste of your domination, thinking he’ll be enraptured by you. You’re his Goddess after all, the one he’s been searching for in this sea of fakes. And he’ll respond. He’ll say all the things he needs to in order to encourage you. He wants you to think it’s working. He’ll tell you that you’re powerful, that you’re different, that he can feel himself becoming weak to you. And you’ll believe him, and convince yourself that you only need to push him a little further and he’ll submit. And it will continue that way for as long as you entertain him. If he enjoys you enough then every few days he’ll give you a taste, maybe $15 - $25. Just enough to make you want more, to feel like you’re almost there.

Then you’ll start to feel closer to him. You’ll empathize with him, try to understand him better. You’ll think you’re getting into his head, but it’s the other way around. He’ll offer you this exposed “raw” and vulnerable version of himself, especially in DMs, appealing to your humanity. Now you’ll see a side of him that no one else gets, and all the aggressive posts and the snarky, crude replies… oh now magically those have just become the desperate false bravado of a sad and hurt sub lashing out because of how he’s been bullied and tormented by all these other Dommes. You’ll feel empathy for him and how hard it is being an addict here where all of these other Dommes just want to take advantage. So you’re going to show him you’re different, and in doing so, he’ll keep you longer. He’s distracted you, redirected you’re focus so you don’t see how the trick is done.

So, you’ll keep going, and he’ll keep taking all he can from you. You’ll never see the thousands he’s implied he’ll send, but eventually you'll be too invested to end it. You’ll justify it by saying you’ve gotten some money from him, so he can’t be a time waster if he’s sent. You’ll convince yourself to keep trying to get him because you’ve given it this much time, it would be a waste if you stop now. You might even convince yourself that if you leave, if you block him or confront him then you’d just be the bad guy, just like all of those other Dommes that only wanted to use him. You’ll tell yourself if you go, then you’ve failed. All the while, you’ll tell your friends it’s okay that he hasn’t sent because it’s amusing for you, because you enjoy it, so you’ll tell them it’s for you not him, because you have to keep up the illusion of control and you don’t want to face the reality yet. This is the hardest part. If you’ve reached this point, you’ve likely invested a lot of time and probably feel stressed and hopeless because you’ve been manipulated into a role by a narcissist that has been doing this effortlessly for a long time. You’ll feel isolated because you’re embarrassed, or you’ll feel you have no one to turn to because you’re supposed to be the Domme. Who would believe a sub used you, not when you’re supposed to be in the position of power? But, that’s by design. He knows that’s your thought process.

Eventually though, you’ll start to feel resentful, and it will continue to build up. You’ll see on the timeline that others are in the same place you were in before, you’ll see his pattern. You’ll become angry and bitter and feel used, and you may finally confront him. That’s when you’ll see his nasty side come out. He’ll be rude and abrasive. He’ll gaslight you, and remind you that he didn’t want this. He’ll point out all of his posts indicating he didn’t want a Domme, that he’s just an addict and you’ve been the one taking advantage of him. He’ll reference early conversations that he planted so he could use them against you later. He’ll make it your fault and tell you that you have no one else to blame. After all: You initiated. You asked for this. He told you what he was and you stayed. He didn’t beg for you, you just couldn’t stay away. You have no one to blame for this but yourself, because this isn’t his fault. It never is. The worst part is if it makes it to the timeline, he’ll only deflect and make you feel small, insecure, and insignificant. Because, he has a group of Dommes that are going to rally behind him, because like you, they want to be the special Domme that makes him submit. And the cycle will start again with someone new.

See, these subs know what they’re doing and they do it well. They are manipulative at minimum, and abusive at their worst. They will never take responsibility or accountability for their narcissistic and damaging behavior. Any “apology” they make will be thinly veiled blame of the other person, and constructed only to make themselves seem vulnerable. They’ll apologize for what they were caught doing but it will be because of what someone else started. They’ll constantly work to turn the tables. They’ll insist every Domme that doesn’t like them is the problem, they’ll tell you they’re addicted to the community but hate it here so blocking them is really doing them a favor, and they’ll offer faux vulnerability, so you let your guard down. You can’t beat this sub. You are only ever an enemy, a target, or a victim. So I am begging you, don’t engage. No amount of money is worth it, and no “sub” like this deserves a voice in this community. The only thing you can offer them is your silence, because they deserve nothing more.